Notions

I know I have not written in a few weeks. I am re-assessing my use of the internet. So for now I will be going on a hiatus. It may happen for a couple weeks or a couple months. I may or may not keep track of what I am doing to put here later. But here is some food for thought (mostly things I have been thinking about lately)…

I am not a very good city-dweller. Clearly, because I would rather just be close to nature than all this technology, and city life. Perhaps a small city would be fine. Certainly, I will not inhabit the Los Angeles area for much longer. I really cannot wait to leave.

There is beauty in a break-down. Mental clarity, I’m sure.

Many times I have kept emotionally distant, because we are physically distant.

I have noticed that many people I know suffer from “middle class syndrome”. This is where the person had a nice up-bringing, with little to no hardship, yet they still want to cause drama in their life. They try to act like their life was so hard, but really it wasn’t.

I will not sit here and voice my political opinion (mostly because politics bore me to tears, because it is for mediocre minds), but for all those dems and liberals out there who want the “change” in this country, why don’t you go out there and volunteer like your dear president wants? (Honestly this goes for any side of the political realm; I was just using who was being the most annoying lately). Seriously, this is for everyone. Even so much as helping the people in Haiti by getting together care packages. A couple hours a week will not kill anyone!

My book recommendations now are The Holy by Daniel Quinn, The Caretaker by Thomas William Simpson, and L.A. Outlaws by T. Jefferson Parker. Maybe some of those “non-readers” out there can actually find a favorite author. Also, I haven’t been to the movies since Daybreakers so I have no recommendations.

You should never have to find the fire in someone’s eyes. It should just be there, and if it isn’t then you should probably avoid that person.

Only strong people can admit vulnerability. You don’t have to act tough all the time.

I need to not let people pass their “chip” (like chip on their shoulder) to me. I tend to let them do that, and I end up getting pissed off at something I don’t even care about (yeah, just like the last…glad that is done).

I utilize the spell check here on WordPress.com. However, it always makes suggestions to use words that are more simple. Often, the reason is that I have written a “complex expression”, and it would be easier for me to use a more commonly used word. For example, a suggestion when I write “So I depart” will be flagged. In its place I should write “So I leave”.  I apologize to WordPress and those of you out there, but I read a lot, and tend to employ the words I have learned. I am not trying to sound like a snob, but I like those larger words.

Here are some words to use to make you sound smarter:

• pilfer: to steal in small quantities
• ostensibly: shown outwardly, professed, apparent
• interminable: endless, wearisomely protracted
• fastidious: overly difficult to please
• maelström: tumult, violent whirlpool
• restive: balky, uneasy, fidgety
• diatribe: abusive speech or writing
• prodigal: recklessly extravagant
• mettle: spirit, courage, quality of temperament
• blithe: buoyant, light, or lively in nature

With that I depart. For days, weeks, or months; I don’t know. We will see.

(For now…)

Dreamer

In addition to sewing like an old woman, I have created a new project for myself. I am organizing and typing up all my old dreams. I have kept a dream journal since 2002, and remember my dreams on a nightly basis now. I have several little notebooks filled with my “I just woke up” handwriting. I feel like I should be analyzing my dreams, so I can keep the right people in my life. It is a daunting task, but I look forward to it.

California Is Drowning

The storms across California have been nuts lately. Torrential downpours, hail, thunder & lightning, mud slides and, tornado warnings…not something you hear about often in the Golden State (the last one at least). They actually had to explain what to do in the event of a tornado, which I think is common sense!

I have lived in Los Angeles for five years (after moving from my hometown of Redding, Ca) and have only seen this sort of weather once. It just happened to be within the first few months of me living here, but I was (and still am) used to it raining in the winter. Yesterday, it would spate, then the sun would come bursting through the clouds.

Los Angeles was not built for the rain; it simply does not have adequate drainage. The street that I live on in Valley Village was flooded in the gutters. The curb was not holding all the water back, so in some areas the sidewalks were deluged.

I also had the bright idea of riding my bike to work (it was a pain to get out my bike out, since everything was surrounded by water). I decided to take the sidewalks so I would not get drenched. At one point the sidewalk ended, so I had to jump the curb. I saw the water, but figured that it could be no more than 6-7″. My bike tire is 26″, and when I went down the curb the water went up more than half way up the tire with me right behind it (I’m not joking!). I really enjoyed the ride though, because I felt like my mountain bike was finally doing what it was meant to do! Maybe a kayak would have been more appropriate. I also thought I should have just ridden in one of my many bathing suits.

So as Los Angeles is swept out to sea, I can only hope that it will take me to Hawaii, so I can go live there instead.

This is my car tire…in a shallow spot! The water was this deep all the way around the car.

The Scribes and Their Enlightened

It never ceases to amaze me that people nowadays do not have a favorite author. I feel like I have lived a long time, and I think it is because I get lost in other worlds, created by gifted authors. It is weird that people don’t feel at home in a library.

I am finishing up a book I started years ago. It is The Holy by my favorite writer, Daniel Quinn (I have read Ishmael a dozen times). I started it in 2007, but with school and work, it was too intellectually stimulating for me to handle at the time (was trying to remember all the biochemistry, calculus, and physics!). I had to replace Quinn with lighter, easier to read type books.

My idea of a good day is going out into nature and reading or curling up with a blanket and a good book (all depends on the weather). I just don’t know what is wrong with people today. The Internet and their Facebook is the most important thing, next to television and their cell phone. I am more the type to disconnect from everything and everyone. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even live on this oddly moralized planet with the rest of you.

Does She?

After all is said and done, does she?

Does she think of you? Yes, but with every passing day the thoughts are phased out. Fleeting thoughts of what you used to do with her may pop into her head, but it is no longer 24/7. She quickly forgets your face, and how you carried yourself. The memories of you will be replaced with new ones, because she refuses to stop her life to think of you.

Does she continue to frequent your websites? No, she doesn’t. As an extra precaution, she blocks anything with your name/URL/user ID. She wants no part in your Facebook; doesn’t want to see what you have been doing via your blog; could care less about what your Twitter says. If she has any self-respect, she does more than sit on the computer all day stalking you. She prefers to be staring at the blue sky to staring at the screen. She has no desire to contact you anymore.

Does she remember the good times you shared? Yes. She tries harder to recall the neglect you put her through, because she does not want to be tempted, for when you should ever call. Sure, you had a good time with her, but the pain you caused her she would rather remember, so she never makes the mistake of loving you again. Her capacity to forget those good times will come with time.

Does she regret the time she wasted with you? No, because she is mature enough to realize that everyone has come into her life for a reason. She doesn’t view that time as wasted, but as a learning experience. A strengthening exercise, if you will. She now knows the signs to look for in the case of “bad boys”, “slow reveal douche-bags”, etc.

Does she still dream of you? Yes, in fact. She dreams that you want her, but you don’t want to commit to her. She is just a toy to you, so she thanks her lucky stars that you are gone from her life. She will take dreams of you as a warning to stay away from others like you.

Does she still love and care about you? No. She loves herself more, so she won’t dwell in the past of what used to be you and her.

“Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers” -Garth Brooks