August 28, 2008 at 9:36 am (Thoughts)
Tags: continue, him, infinite, loss
I don’t know what has kept me going for the past few days. Especially after “the Incident”. All I know is why I continue.
He showed me the magic within. Leaves me wanting more; leaves me wanting to know more. His attitude was fresh and new.
All the things, emotions, sentiment, bubble inside, not quite reaching the surface. Here are my genuine thoughts...
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I continue my simple moves; you continue too.
I am not you, but I am a part of you.
I repeat; you repeat.
If you want, walk away. Wait until it stops.
Be silent, it will continue.
If you want yours; if you want mine…
If you want, be like me…
Destroy what we have.
Sometimes you find love; sometimes you find loss.
Objectify myself to you; never ending, it continues.
If you want you; if you want me.
If you want…I am yours…continuously, infinitely.
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August 23, 2008 at 4:11 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: inner beauty, smile, waiting
How did I jump from 2-4 views per day to 23? Interesting.
So, as expected, I’m feeling a bit dispirited. I feel like I have been building something (foundation, house, sky-scraper) for eons, just to have everything crash straight down to Earth. What you put out into the world is what the world will put out for you, so I suppose.
Karma crossed? Not this time. Just bad timing.
I guess this is what happens when you have it all figured out. The pretty girl is the lonely girl (this time I’m talking about inner beauty). I’m not going to let it get me. I will keep going, keep spreading my love for life. I’m entitled to be heartsick.
I’m entitled to continue smiling too. It is not hiding the pain, but masking it to something better. Life goes on. I could wait forever, and in fact, might be doing just that. But my smile will be there through and through.
So now I wait. Just waiting, ready for what life tosses my way.
And now some ramblings of what my heart would say, since my head normally takes over as in the above…
Too many times does my heart set heavy with the unknown. Too many times do I ponder the past. I sit like a wounded dog licking my wounds. Wounds so deep it is hard to hide. Regret leaves one to think of what has been. For each breath so much harder than the last. To hear the voice that makes one’s heart miss a beat. In the end it makes one wonder, shall this be my last heart beat.
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August 22, 2008 at 5:49 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: behavior, changes, happy
I have turned my life, my personality, and my attitude around dramatically within the last year. I can honestly say that before, I wasn’t genuinely alright being alone. I always had someone.
However, since February I haven’t had anyone. I have been alone, literally. I have sorted out who I am, and now I’m perfectly happy with myself, and am truly sincere when I say that.
In saying that, I think I am ready to really be with someone. I am very happy with myself, and now will have no problems with anyone else. Its not as if I am perfect, and I will have my moments. I just want to be perfect for someone. I have opened my heart again, and changed my behaviors.
I guess now I just wait, since I have myself utterly together, instead of just superficially. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.
Love, thank you.
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August 21, 2008 at 8:13 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: resilient, Thoughts, truth, Vent
Seriously.
People can change their behavior, over and over again.
People cannot change their feelings, ever. And sometimes they can’t take a hint.
I’m glad I’m not the one with any sort of decision. I am also glad that I’m not jaded, and never will be. It seems like such a hard way to live, especially when the truth pours its heart out to you every day.
Over it.
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August 12, 2008 at 4:54 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: accident, bicycle, crash, mountain
I sent a guy flying over his handle bars on my way home from work today. Nothing serious (I was riding my bike too…it is not like I crashed into him with my car!). In my defense though, I was on the right side of the road and he wasn’t. I also realized that he should probably learn to use the back brake instead, as to prevent an accident like that next time. Also, he wasn’t bleeding…so I guess I don’t feel so bad. I actually want to laugh as his dumb ass. Seriously.
LOL.
Anyways, I think my roommate and a friend want to drag me up the side of a mountain. I’m not really in the mood, so I’m going to figure out how to get out of it!
I’m sneaky like that
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