November 28, 2008 at 4:33 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: betrayal, break-up, ex, exes, friends, heart, intimate relationship, love, not tolerable, personal experience, problems, sex, text message, trust
Once you have been intimate with a person, is it even possible for you to reverse it, and just be friends? Even if you have “moved on”, won’t seeing a former lover with someone else just tear you up inside?
I think people are unenlightened if they think it is possible. Once you have had sex with a person, there is no going back. The feelings will always remain, and cause hurt feelings.
It is also never tolerable to continue to speak to an ex after a break up. I have allowed it in the past, but it has alway lead to heartache. Countless times have I sat there an wondered what they even have to talk about. And if the ex always comes to you with their deficient problems, they are only seeking attention from you.
It was not tolerated by your ex, so why should it be indulged by me? It is not acceptable to me to receive a text message meant for someone else, telling that person that you love them. I should never have to sit there shaking, with my heart beating out of my chest, because you love someone else and want to betray me.
It is time for a decision. Have her little problem conversations, or have a relationship with me. I’m ready to stop getting stepped on by your ex-girlfriend.
“..she’s beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
her killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men.
and that’s what you get for falling again;..”
-“Pretty Girl”, Sugarcult
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November 27, 2008 at 9:03 am (Thoughts)
Tags: Add new tag, give thanks, thankful, thanksgiving
∂ Give thanks for all the blessings in your life.
∂ Give thanks for not always having everything you crave.
∂ Give thanks for everyday occurrences.
∂ Give thanks for what you have been, and what you have become.
∂ Give thanks for your changing perception of the world, and the experiences that shape that.
∂ Give thanks for the people who embody what you do or do not want to be.
∂ Give thanks for all the people you love.
∂ Give thanks for a world that provides so much, and asks for so little.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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November 25, 2008 at 6:34 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: bike, bike ride, fix, flat tire, handy, repair kit
So, I have completely underestimated my ability to fix things. I am pretty handy, but this shocked me.
I ran over a tack while riding my bike the other day. Luckily, I had already arrived at work (not really sure what I would have done if I had only gotten halfway down Riverside). I am certainly not a moron, so I carry the patch kit with me when I’m riding. Problem is, I have never actually fixed my own tire (I don’t remember ever getting a flat as a kid, but this is the risk you take when you’re riding), so I was not sure if I could fix it. Last resort: call my roommate.
None of that was needed. I fixed my back tire, with no problem. And fortunately, I work where there is lots of hand soap, and I could wash up easily.
I guess I also passed my little bit of bad luck to my boss. The next time I worked with her, she told me about how she got a flat tire in her car!
Oh well, at least hers wasn’t from a tack in the road. Stupid tacks!
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November 20, 2008 at 9:21 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: attentive, help, listen, take heed, wants
I listen to your words, but I don’t understand. You want me to do this, to do that. You talk me in circles, my head is spinning. What do you want from me; of me?
I am told that I don’t listen to you. But how can I be attentive when you are screaming demands. What about what I want? If you want my ears, then you need to lend me yours.
Help me decern what WE need to do. This is a two way street and I cannot do it alone. I can change, however I need some help.
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November 17, 2008 at 9:37 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: criticism, lies, love, martyr, pain
I don’t get it. Why do people, who claim to love you the most, castigate you? (words escape me at the moment, so I will do my best).
There have only been two people in my entire life that have been able to put me down, call me names, and outright hate me.
The one person that makes it hurt the most is the person that claims to be my soul mate. He claims to love me infinitely, passionately, yet he is the only person that can vilify me this way. “You are a stupid, lazy bitch!” he will tell me. “You are an annoying person who only makes others miserable!” he will spit at me. “You are a horrible, selfish person!” he will insist. “Fuck you!” click.
If someone denounces me as something I am, then I will take that in and accept it. I likely already know exactly what they are telling me. Say a friend called me a liar after I lied to them, I couldn’t very well deny it. It would be a fact that I was indeed a liar. Further, if someone told me that I was a perfectionist (especially in certain areas), I would also have no standing to get upset. I like things just so, and therefore the accusation would be true.
Now, if someone criticizes me, and their ignorant perception is meretricious, then I have reason to be hurt. If someone calls me a murderer, when undoubtedly I am not, then I have reason to get defensive. Also, if someone tells me I am selfish, when I have been told countless times that I am altruistic, then I am going to be perturbed.
I could never let words with such spite leave my lips about any person that I truly love. I used words with contempt towards my sister once, and it distressed me more than anything. I made a promise to myself to never speak to anyone with painful words again, and I haven’t, even as they spit their insults at me.
It is just easier to live with a clean conscious, than to regret what I say to people.
Sometimes I just think you are trying to kill our love for each other.
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