September 13, 2009 at 8:13 am (Thoughts)
Tags: Beauty, behavior, breast cancer, clarify, courage, doubts, fear, grandmother, hair, happiness, inner beauty, listen, physical beauty, positive, soul, stunning, sublime, truth
Recently, I have been slammed with hate comments to a particular blog I wrote. I’m not one for negativity, so I deleted that particular piece from my blog. I am ready to clarify my views on the subject, because snobbery from people due to their own ignorance should not be a reason why I remove something.
My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 12 years old. And so began the radiation and chemotherapy that made her lose her hair. The first time here hair fell out, my sister and I were not around, so I’m not really sure how she took it. I just remember her coming to pick us up from school with a scarf wrapping her head (not due to the lack of hair; it was cool outside).
Her hair began to grow back in. Mostly she would not wear a wig, with the exception to going to her club meetings. That was more for their benefit, not hers. She was very positive about the near bald head, saying it was all the rage. Her courage, to this day, brings me to tears.
One day in the summer (my sister and I would spend the weekdays at her house while mom was at work), we went outside to play with the a neighborhood friend. About 20-30 minutes after leaving, I had to come back inside to ask my grandma something. I found her in her bathroom brushing out clumps of her hair. The hair was in her brush, in her hand, and on the floor. Being young, it scared me. But my grandmother just smiled. I don’t remember what was said, and if she had any fear or doubts, I did not know they existed.
I am thankful for my grandmother’s boldness. She did not survive her battle with breast cancer, but I am grateful for the time I got to spend with her. She showed me that you can be beautiful with and you can be beautiful without, because it is not about physicality. Everything that makes a person stunning radiates from their soul. If you solely rely on physical beauty, but have nothing but hate/bitterness on the inside, you will not glow and be truly sublime.
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September 8, 2009 at 6:58 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: advice, betrayal, black/white, hurt, integrity, racism, racist, tension, truth, victim
I feel quite betrayed at lately, because my coworker said I was racist. This hits me personally since it questions my integrity. I am white and I am not claiming to understand what it is to be black, but I can honestly say that I am not racist. Me not liking a person will never be because of where they came from or what they look like. It will always come from the way they treat me/others and their integrity. I am hurt by this, because I thought this girl and I were friends and I really liked that I could always talk to her.
Here are my thoughts:
- Just because you’re white, doesn’t mean you’re racist. It is completely unfair to be thought of as only having a racist agenda. I believe that this world is a richer place with the diversity that it contains as do many people of different ethnicities.
- I wish I could have pride in my European heritage, but if I voice that in public, I am automatically assumed to be discriminatory. My Irish/German/Portuguese roots are not something I should have to be ashamed of.
- I believe that claiming that someone is racist, is racist in itself. The people enduring (or that have endured) genuine racism cannot be focused on if everyone else is crying wolf.
- Realizing that the world is not against you will ease much of the racial tensions. Making excuses because you think everyone is discriminating against you does not make you the victim, it just makes you pathetic.
- Just for one day, I wish everyone could look exactly the same. I bet the world would not be as bright that day.
- I believe that much of the tension in the United States is imaginary racism. I am not applying this to every situation, but I think a lot of it could be cured if everyone opened up their minds a little bit.
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September 6, 2009 at 9:23 pm (Thoughts)
Tags: behavior, bike ride, concert, cranky, ditched, gi joe, halloween 2, happiness, happy, lush, modest mouse, movies, painting, reading, sleepless, Thoughts, twilight, warrior, witch
Things have come to a slow down recently (as expected). Here is what I have been up to…
Went to a the Modest Mouse concert in Anaheim last Saturday (29th). The concert was spectacular. I have only ever heard Dashboard and Float, but everything else was amazing. Their music has great rhythm, and is easy to dance to. I certainly danced, and had plenty of room to do so.
Worked two nights in a row into the wee hours in the morning. Made me cranky for a day or so, because what little sleep I did get was restless. I don’t do well sleeping during the day, even with a sleep mask. I’m pretty sure corporate America hates their employees.
Ended up seeing two movies on Thursday. Took D to see GI Joe (I had already seen it). I thought I was going to fall asleep during that one. Then Nate and I went to see Halloween 2. This is when I was a little cranky. I really shouldn’t do anything the day after I have to work until 4 am. I told Nate that I wasn’t going to see movies with him anymore, but I lied. I lie when I’m sleepy. I also talk in my sleep (when I’m in lucid sleep), lol.
Got ditched on Friday, and discovered Lush. My boss at work always wears their Karma solid perfume, and it’s to die for. Had to get some when I went to Glendale. The sales associate (totally gay, and super sweet) talked me into the moisturizing/exfoliating bar soap. Also stopped at the Sweet Factory (yeah, my sweet tooth is severe). I also decided that I’m not quite ready to give up painting. I went to Pasadena to get some canvas boards. I’m not sure what I am going to paint yet.
Started reading Warrior by Marie Brennan. It’s about witches. I think I’m going to have to get the sequel, because I’m enjoying the plot so far. My mom also sent me the 3rd in the Twilight series (Eclipse). Those are easy reads, but I have enjoyed the books (not so much with the movie).
I’ve been getting more rides in, thank goodness. Riding my bike three times a week was not making me happy. It has been hot outside, but the sweat is worth it. I need to remember to stretch before my ride. With my extra time, I’m hoping to start up doing Pilate’s again.
And poor little lobsters. 
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August 31, 2009 at 7:42 am (Thoughts)
Tags: disrespect, hate words, let it go, opinions, resilient, Thoughts
I don’t know when the days of respect ended, but I think it was around the time the Internet was created. You can’t see the person you are insulting, so there is no restraint in the malevolent aspersion. People just cannot let it go when your opinion is different from their own. Problem is, the arguments are not even intelligent, and are based absolutely on emotion.
I thought this drama was contained to useless sites like myspace, but I think it is spilling over. I just hope that people keep in mind that what I post here are my opinions and they do not have to be agreed upon. All I ask for is for them to save their blasphemy for myspace and leave me alone. I do not disrespect their place in hopes that mine doesn’t get scorned.
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August 28, 2009 at 7:23 am (Thoughts)
Tags: happiness, insipid, roots, support, vapid, women
There are more important things to worry about than how I style my hair, or what my opinion is on beauty. This is all so vacuous, so I give up on it. There is too much competition between women, that we have lost sight of what is really important.
Women were designed to stick together and help each other. How have we lost sight of that? Instead of loving and supporting each other, we have to hate each other for having something that the other cannot attain.
I look at famous women that so many people I know hate. Instead of being liked for having the know-how, they are hated for having something that they earned. Well guess what…you aren’t going to get anything out of this life if you don’t work hard for it (isn’t that the American dream? How did women get forgotten in that equation).
As girls, we need to get back to our roots of helping each other and having compassion towards each other. I don’t want to hear that lame excuse, “I just don’t get along with other girls. They are too catty.” Hate to break it to you honey, but you’re the one being catty.
If women just stuck together for a change, then I’m sure this recent violence towards them would minimize. How have we lost sight of this?
Read She’s Got Issues, by Stephanie Lessing. It’s an easy (way too easy) read that touches on this.
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